It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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