So drunk its hurt
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
