I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize