What a fucking waste of an outfit
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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