just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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