It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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