You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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