He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
