it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
