I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Mom said you looked used
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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