I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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