I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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