It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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