At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
