If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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