I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
