I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How external is "for external use only"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
