when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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