There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
