i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
