I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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