No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
