i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
