If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
