She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
