My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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