Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
