Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
