i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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