dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
