yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
