Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
