we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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