I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
