If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
