STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
