Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
