walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
high people should be assigned attendants
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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