Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
