drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
