I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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