bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
