If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
