I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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