Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
