do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
