This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
