For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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