He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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