There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
