Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Randomize
