I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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