So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize