yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
