remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
