You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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