do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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