So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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