After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
