My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
