I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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