even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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