I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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