Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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