Only a mothe r could love this liver
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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