Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
