:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
