there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
